Why individual therapy?
If you’re on this page, you’re likely in some amount of pain. I’m talking about emotional pain, such as:
Something crappy has happened (death of a loved one, miscarriage, bad childhood, an assault)
You’re sad all the time and stuck in the sadness
You feel anxiety in a way that is getting in the way of you having a full life
People keep taking advantage of you, or you don’t know how to make others stop treating you badly
You’re overwhelmed
This relationship is turning out to be the opposite of what you want
You’ve realized you drink too much or shop too much or eat too much
Your life is out-of-control, and you want the chaos to stop
Can individual therapy really help me?
Yes! (“conditions apply”)
Individual therapy isn’t a magic wand, and there are rarely quick/easy/cheap fixes to serious problems. It will take work on your part, and I will work, too. But I can’t just fix you.
So, how does therapy help, then?
Here are some outcomes my clients have had, to give you an idea of how therapy can help:
A client who was sexually assaulted a decade ago was able to testify with confidence about what happened and send that person to prison. Oh, and no more shame or guilt!
Another client kept feeling used in his relationship; he kept going back even though he knew it was a bad choice. By the end of therapy, he decided he deserved more. He was more confident about himself, about what he wanted, and about his ability to go find a good partner. He learned to say “no” to a bad relationship
She realized she used alcohol to deal with icky feelings, and she learned new ways to cope. Now she only drinks socially and feels so much more in control of her life
10 years ago, he made a bad choice and had felt shame and guilt about it since. When therapy was done, he was able to own what he did without shame
She is now able to enjoy sex without flashbacks of being assaulted. She’s also able to say “no” to sex without feeling like a terrible wife. Her sex life is finally satisfying
After being on antidepressants for decades, he finally realized it was his childhood that was making him depressed, anxious, and paralyzed. He lacked adventure in his life and was totally stuck. After therapy ended, he took a dream vacation to South America and hiked Machu Pichu
So what does it look like?
Sometimes, clients ask me what my goals are for them. I usually say, “my only goal is to help you achieve your goals.”
It’s not a joke - I don’t tell people what they should want different in their lives. And I really try to avoid telling people what to do.
So…what do I do?
In the first therapy session, I’m likely to ask about the following, to get to know you better:
What do you need from therapy?
What do you want to change in your life? (these become your goals)
Who supports you?
How do you deal with stressors? And how is that going?
If you aren’t clear on what you want out of therapy, I will help you figure that out. Sometimes, people are super clear - “I want to deal with my father’s cancer diagnosis.” And sometimes, it’s muddy - “My husband says I suck at marriage.” It might take a few meetings for you to figure out what you need, and I’ll be there to support you as we learn about you together.
Then I help you come up with a plan to achieve them.
Types of therapy
EMDR - Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
Whew! That’s a mouthful.
When a disturbing event is over but still leaves you feeling icky, overwhelmed, or like you’re back in that traumatic moment, EMDR helps the brain work through these memories and allows normal healing. You’ll still remember the crappy thing that happened, but you won’t go into fight, flight, or freeze anymore. EMDR does two things:
reduces traumatic triggers and memories
increases your positive beliefs about yourself
You will be able to move on with your life without those bad experiences making you feel stuck, unstable, or broken.
There’s a huge amount of evidence that EMDR is highly effective. You can learn more at emdria.org
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
This is traditional “talk therapy.” It’s all about your thoughts affecting your emotions, which in turn affect your behavior. It’s like a stupid wheel going round and round, and you sometimes get stuck in it.
For instance, maybe your father-in-law is kind of a jerk. In therapy, you would talk about the ways you think about him, the ways you feel about your interactions with him, and how your behaviors can be different. As you work on your thoughts, some of your reactions become more manageable. As your behaviors are more in line with your values, your feelings are less dramatic.
Skills! They are good for things
Assertiveness training and boundary setting
Saying “no” is actually a superpower, and I can teach you
If you can’t say “no,” then how can you say “yes”?
Learn the many skills that make up assertiveness and how to use them in your daily life
What the heck is a boundary anyway? How do you set a boundary? And then what do you do when someone steps on it?
Communication and conflict management skills
Here’s a disturbing statistic: 69% of conflicts that couples have are unsolvable. These conflicts will never go away. EAK!
So having the skills to manage these conflicts is helpful. I can teach you some things, including:
How to recognize your brain is in fight/flight/freeze and what to do about it
State your needs in a way your partner/friend/parent can actually hear (this means you’ll be more of what you want)
Confidently make the case for that raise you want
Listen better and, if you’ve hurt someone, repair the damage
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and other mindfulness strategies
We can be honest - life is freakin’ stressful. There are ways to make it more manageable. Whether it’s meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfully brushing your teeth, there are techniques to quiet the chaos.